


Love Crime

by 185cmbaekhyun



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Angst, Exes, Hospitals, Injury, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Rimming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-03
Updated: 2019-06-03
Packaged: 2020-04-07 00:11:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19073527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/185cmbaekhyun/pseuds/185cmbaekhyun
Summary: Because no matter how hard he tries, he crawls back to Sehun nevertheless.





	Love Crime

**Author's Note:**

  * For [myhsekai9488](https://archiveofourown.org/users/myhsekai9488/gifts).



> It's been 84 years since I posted a fic for the last time, so please bear with me. I went through one hell of a block and a load of stress due to work, then something snapped in me and I rescued this out of my drafts. This is probably a bunch of sh*t.
> 
> I was supposed to post this on Sehun's birthday for MJ *hides in shame* I hope you forgive my tardiness. And I hope this embodies all your requests.
> 
> This is a simple story, also, I am not familiar with medical conditions or terms, I just needed to insert the angst here hehehehe. 
> 
> Ps: still don't have a beta reader fml

 

 

He testimonies the exact moment Chanyeol's soul evacuates his body. His skin pales to a unhealthy tone of dread, brow creasing and tears welling up at the corners of his eyes as his hand shakes anxiously around the phone pressed coldly against his cheek.

 

“What's wrong?” Jongin questions in concern, lowering the warm mug of tea with similar jittery hands.

 

“It's Sehun,” Chanyeol breathes, voice crashing. “They said it was a car accident.”

 

Already, Jongin's stomach heaves unhelpfully, a carousel of horrific scenarios tumbling out of his mind in loops. He hasn't heard that name in two years, and of all possibilities he's expected to know from Sehun again, none came crumbling in such form of tragedy. 

 

“Is he--”

 

“He's still alive. He's at the hospital.” Chanyeol asserts hurriedly, before Jongin can even finish such unacceptable lines. Threading his fingers through his hair, the musician emits a deep sigh of worry. “Jongin, it was bad. He's badly injured.”

 

A tight venom crawls at Jongin's throat, moulding his limbs to unbearable angles inside his body. Sehun is young, healthy, gifted in many ways, possessing way too many qualities possible for one single man to gamble with. Whatever destiny is playing with, it's quite unfair. 

 

“I'm going to the hospital right now.” Chanyeol informs, raising to his full impressive height. Perplexity engraved on his whole face.

 

“I'm coming with you.” Jongin offers, grabbing his coat and dumping a couple wons onto the booth table.

 

“Are you sure?” Chanyeol worries, familiar with the whole history that once got them all tied up together. Shaking off all negativity, Jongin lifts his chin, and after a deep calming breath, he glances at his friend and nods voraciously.

 

“Yeah. I'm sure.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


There are ambulances lined up outside as doctors and patients being carried on stretches amble in and out through the entrance sliding doors hastily. Jongin's mouth is tasteful in the dull kind of way as he walks in, being hit with that undertone of bleach scent that hangs in every hospital area. Sickness, medications, tears, fear. 

 

At the lobby, albeit the opulence and shiny clean floors, the corridors are still stuffy, and above the double doors are large blue plastic signs with the areas of the hospital that lie ahead.

 

Jongin tags close behind Chanyeol while he introduces themselves at the reception, composed as ever. Jongin on the other hand, has his mind entirely disconnected from reality, too scared of what he might hear and come across with.

 

He faintly registers Junmyeon appearing, white scrub floating smoothly behind him with each haste stride. The doctor foregoes all friendly greetings as he leads them to the elevators.

 

“How's he?”

 

“He'll be fine. Luckily, there was no internal bleeding. He's got a few fractured ribs and a broken leg in addition to some nasty sounds, though.” Explains Junmyeon fiddling with the pages stuck on a clipboard.

 

“The surgery went fine, thankfully. My apologies for not contacting you sooner. We tried contacting his family first, but…” The doctor trails off, pushing his glasses up his nose bridge in dismay.

 

“It's okay. I'm the only guardian he's got.” Chanyeol mutters, shoulder slouching.

 

Something tugs and scratches at Jongin's heart at that statement. That unfortunate conflict is still firmly standing, and although he's drifted apart from Sehun a long time ago, Jongin's partially at fault for that.

 

“Thank you so much, Hyung. For saving him.” Chanyeol says, and Jongin tunes back to the present, that holds unpredictable events that night.

 

“It's my duty. Both as a doctor and a friend.” Junmyeon nods. “Hey, Jongin. Long time.” He cracks a smile, finally acknowledging Jongin's presence. 

 

Jongin and Junmyeon hadn't really kept in touch after the breakup. He was closer to Sehun anyways. And much like anything related to Sehun in his life, Jongin discarded. Chanyeol the only vague link he's kept intact.

 

“Hey,” Jongin bows, curtly. “Are we allowed to see him now?”

 

“Yeah, sure. He needs company now. The accident was pretty traumatic and he's quite shaken up. He might be overly emotional for a while until he's fully recovered.”

 

“It's okay, we're here to help him.” Chanyeol chirps, clasping a grateful hand on the doctor’s shoulder.

 

On the private ward the atmosphere is completely different. The air has a perfumed scent and the seats are plush. Every surface dustless. The nurses wander about unhurried and they move with a serene purposefulness from room to room on their rounds. There are vases of flowers and beautiful framed pieces of art on the walls. In the corridor sits a water dispenser and in most rooms can be heard the noise of a television. 

 

For one side, it's a relief that Sehun can now afford such expensive accommodations. His business is seemingly profiting well. 

 

Witch clammy hands, Jongin steps into the spacious, luxurious room as he channels all equilibrium to his mind. 

 

“Hyung! You came!” Sehun cheers, much too weakly, from the huge bed.

 

One side of his face and his head are completely bandaged, on the other side, is littered with bruises and scratches. Purple stains surround his eye, his lower lip is split. His leg hangs plastered with a cast, and Jongin thanks the Heavens the sheets are covering the remaining injuries scattered across his body.

 

A knot shapes itself in Jongin's throat at that sight, and he inhales a sob that threatens to fly past his lips. Beautiful, flawless, smooth skinned Sehun should have never gone through such horror pain. Wounds just don't suit his beauty.

 

He's alive, Jongin thinks, that's all that matters.

 

“Hey, buddy. I brought company.” Chanyeol greets, voice alight in relief. He steps aside to make view for Jongin, who stands rooted in his feet as Sehun's gaze trails on him.

 

Sehun freezes. Jongin can't shake the impression that Sehun is disappointed, mad even. He shouldn't have come. Not after all these years of being apart with not as much as a word of survey from him.

 

Jongin shifts awkwardly, eyes darting from the doctor to Chanyeol, puzzled. Sehun is basically in a state of utter shock.

 

“Jongin,” He rasps eventually. “Am I dead?” He croaks, eyes casting down to his palms, as though he's not expecting to find himself in his own body. His tattered body is motionless, failing to react when Sehun tries shifting on the bed, towards Jongin.

 

“Wait, no. You survived.” Jongin tells him, striding over to the edge of the bed. He exchanges a preoccupied glance with the others. Promptly, both Chanyeol and Junmyeon also approach the bed, carefully. 

 

“Hey, you got us pretty worried. I'm so relieved you're okay.” Chanyeol chimes, resting a hand on the headboard. 

 

Sehun is still staring, his well preserved eye widened in astonishment. His gaze flies to Jongin once again, ignoring anyone else in the room.

 

“Jongin,” He repeats, voice broken “I missed you so much.” And then his lower lip juts out and a sob breaks through. With each sob, a painful whine adds in, like even the mere shedding of tears hurts more than anything.

 

“Uh, it's okay Sehun. I'm here now.” At a loss for words more suitable, Jongin reaches in and grabs Sehun's hand as gently as he can, the pads of his fingertips rubbing soothingly over his cold and bruised knuckles. Tears keep staining his cheeks more furiously now, so Jongin glances at Junmyeon helplessly.  

 

“We'll give you two some privacy. We'll be right back.” The doctor says, gesturing at Chanyeol to follow him out. 

 

Once the door clicks shut and the room is their private realm, Jongin takes a seat at the edge of the soft mattress, hand never untacching from Sehun's.

 

Clueless of what to do or say next, Jongin just sits quietly, keeping a light hold of Sehun's hand, coaxing calmness into his system. 

 

As Sehun gradually relaxes, his tears drying off, Jongin takes a sufficiently glance of the man lying beside him. Although his face is somewhat distorted by wounds, Jongin still catches all the details from Sehun's features that were kept hidden in the depths of his mind. 

 

Sehun's still the same man, he can gather. His face is still small but sharp at the edges, his eyes still twinkle naturally like a night sky. Perhaps now he'll gain more scars across his face, to make company to that lone one that’s been carved on his cheek ever since he was little. Jongin particularly liked that scar, but should new ones be born now, the memories they will bring won't be too pleasing whatsoever.

 

Old memories resurface to Jongin's mind like a thunder. Expecting but unannounced, and with them, comes also a plenitude of feelings Jongin swore he had gotten over. 

 

Apparently, he was miserably wrong. They were just hiding, disguised as something else entirely. Maybe a pinch of resentment, or regret even. The truth is, Jongin fooled himself in every way possible to tell himself he was over Sehun.

 

Before he can even set his mind straight, it all rushes back to him uninvitingly. That good, old memory of the very first time he laid eyes on Sehun.

 

_ They were in college, Jongin still fresh out of high school. Too young, too naive. He was unimpressed with college life, all honesty, not too fond of unnecessary parties and definitely not into any of those girls who kept hitting on him tirelessly as if they needed a man more for validation than for their actual needs. _

 

_ Most of his free time was spent leisurely at the campus’ library. He didn't have many friends yet, so instead of intoxicating himself with alcohol and making a fool of himself with his poor social skills, Jongin accumulated knowledge through his reading, immersing in literature. Sometimes, Baekhyun would tag along, just to end up dozing off on unfinished books. Jongin didn't mind, Baekhyun was his only friend since high school. _

 

_ Then one day, amidst tall arrays of book shelves and dusted books, Jongin's eyes met with his. Suddenly, all enchants he had always been void of, bloomed beautifully inside of him, just like that, at first sight. _

 

_ Sehun was tall, ridiculously so. Body proportions that would leave one either envious or craving. Hard expression perpetually etched to his face, in the crease of his brows whenever he absentmindedly read fashion books. Some would deem him to be intimidating, but his constant dullness did nothing more than spurr Jongin on. _

  
  


_ “Who's he?” He asked after a long hour stretched with long gazes towards the stranger. Baekhyun shrugged, familiar with every single face in college. _

 

_ “The tall model-like lean broad hot guy over there?” _

 

_ “Exactly,” Jongin giggled, hiding his blush behind the book. _

 

_ “He's Oh Sehun. Majoring in fashion. Super popular among the girls but not very sociable.” Baekhyun said, tilting his head to shoot Sehun a full once over, biting his lip. “Are you interested?” _

 

_ “What? No,” Jongin squealed, scandalized.  “Just curious.” _

 

_ Jongin took another moment to admire him once more, stunned. When Sehun turned, he was presented with a broad back, a narrow waist, and a delicious round that was clad in tight jeans. Suddenly the collars of Jongin's shirt felt too tight around his neck. _

 

_ “It usually starts like this. Then next thing you're smitten.” Baekhyun commented, with mischief laced in his smile. “He's got big dick energy, and by the looks if it, it's not just the energy.” _

 

_ Jongin choked on hair, smacking Baekhyun's head playfully. But the thought had been planted, so curiosity rose. _

 

_ As time rolled by, Jongin added a new reason to visit the library daily besides literature. Soon, flirty glances started to be traded, Jongin would seat himself on the ground, back resting against a shelf, and Sehun would sit across from him, at a safe distance. For months, no progression occurred, just that exciting sensation that would flood in the air whenever they were close, stealing glances and timid smiles. The heart fluttering feeling that consumed Jongin every morning when he woke up knowing he would see Sehun again, even if it just from afar. Being graced with Sehun's beauty was a gift in Jongin's eyes. _

 

_ It caught him off guard entirely when he fetched a book one day, and while flipping through the pages, he found himself doodled on many pages, in soft, well practiced ink at random moments. Reading, napping, scribbling on his notebook.  _

 

_ Those were all little moments he spent mindlessly at the library, with a certain pair of eyes glued on him perceptibly. _

 

_ The sign at the corner of each sketch left no room for doubt. Oh Sehun. Without second guessing himself, Jongin slipped a note in that book, and hoped that it would find Sehun’s calloused hands again soon.    _

 

_ ‘came across some of your sketchings of me on this book. You're very talented and although I'm flattered, you shouldn't scribble on the library's books. I can pose for you to draw me on a real piece of paper should you come for me some time. _

 

_ Jongin’ _

 

_ The very next day, as though fate lead him, Sehun grinned heartily upon reading the note that fell on his lap. Wordlessly, he sat next to Jongin and drew his side profile to decorate the cover of his notebook. A soft ‘Hi' uttered only after the art was finished, pencil haltering its smooth drag along the paper. _

 

_ And the rest was just history. _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“I thought I was going to die. I was so scared.” Sehun says raggedly, words a shy too inaudible. His eyes swim in the remains of the recent trauma, all the while casted down, to where his hand is secured tightly around Jongin's. 

 

“You didn't die. That's what matters.”

 

“Do you know what I kept thinking about while I was trapped in the wreckage?” Sehun blurts, gaze flitting to Jongin. He looks vulnerable, even though his wounds are bandaged, he's still bleeding abstractly from them.

 

“What?”

 

“You,” He says, momentarily closing his eyes, gathering his thoughts. “I didn't want to die without seeing you again. I didn't want to die knowing that you hate me.”

 

Shaking his head, Jongin places his other hand on top of Sehun's, assessing.

 

“I don't hate you. I never did. I could never.”

 

Actually, it's always been quite the opposite, but that should be left unsaid. Distance and miscommunication made sure to set them apart, and the universe simply allowed. Jongin was no one to object to that now.

 

“I'm so sorry, Jongin. I'm sorry.” Tears resurge to Sehun's eyes, his face once again retorting in too much agony, that Jongin wants to cage him away from them, only that's not his place anymore.

 

“Why are you saying sorry? None of this is your fault.” He says, his own agony tingling in his heart.

 

“Can you not leave this time? Please?”

 

“I'm--” Jongin halts, speechless. Guilty seizures him whole for he was the one who broke things off in the past. 

 

But fighting to keep their flame alight when it was on the verge of blowing out, was pointless.

 

“Hi, sorry for the intrusion. Visits must be short for now, Sehun's still under heavy medication.” Junmyeon’s head pops up from behind the door with a gentle knock from his knuckles.

 

A deep breath frees Jongin from what was seemingly a dead end path with their unresolved issues from their past at the very end of it waiting to be awakened.

 

“I see,” He breathes, glancing down at a very dejected Sehun, shoulders slouching slightly due to his quiet whimpering. It’s just the medication taking effect, nothing much.

 

“When can he be released?”

 

“Not any time soon. He needs to heal from all the fractures and it is highly recommended that he goes through some therapy. I’d say he stays with us for the next 3 weeks or so. He'll need someone to keep him company. At least visit him a few times a week. Can I count on you for that Chanyeol?”

 

Frowning, Chanyeol scratches at his chin. 

 

“I'll do my best. My schedule is packed but I can just cancel half of it for now.”

 

“Hyung. You can't just cancel a whole tour. You've been looking forward to that for years.” Jongin interjects. “I can do it. I can come.”

 

He receives deep, dubious glances from his friends, the silence that cascades sounding too loud for his ears. 

 

“Are you sure?” Chanyeol asks, skeptically. 

 

“I work from home. I can just bring my laptop and write all day here. So don't worry, go on your world tour. I'll keep an eye on him.”

 

He watches as Junmyeon and Chanyeol share a debating look, as though weighing the situation. Jongin himself is not taking everything into consideration, much less their past. However, he's a good friend beyond anything else, and the situation requires his aid just as much. He can, and he wants to help. Sehun deserves as much.

 

“I mean, if you're okay with it, Sehun.” Jongin checks. Sehun nods almost too instantly. 

 

“That's settled then. Our hospital will provide you with maximum care and comfort. You won't even feel like you're in a hospital.” Junmyeon clasps a welcoming hand on Jongin's shoulder, though his strained smile doesn't quite reach his eyes.

 

Jongin gulps, eyes scanning the greatness of the luxurious hospital room. “I can see.”

 

In the back of his mind, Jongin promises himself he will not let the past intervene in this share of favors. He's here for a good cause, because his friends need him.

 

When he glances at Sehun seeking for a mutual unspoken agreement, the patient is already fast asleep. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


A routine at the hospital is soon molded into Jongin's days. The first nights tick by uneventfully, time stretching too long with not as much interactions traded between them. Ordinarily, Jongin sits on an armchair and types all night long on his laptop while Sehun sleeps off his medicines. He's there when Sehun needs to change his bandages, he's there to bring him food knowing all too well Sehun despises regiously the one they serve at the hospital. He's there to accompany him as Sehun meets up with a therapist. He's there to bring Sehun new sets of underwear and socks and even convince him that he doesn't need to worry about looking fashionable in hospital garments. He's there to feed Sehun when he refuses to eat lesser than instructed.

 

Jongin is there for everything.

 

Eventually, once Sehun is recovered partially to hold himself awake for more than 5 hours, their nights are spent catching up on two years of absence from each other's lives. In a sense, Jongin notices time has built  Sehun into a considerably different man, with a deeper maturity that presents itself in his shared thoughts, and also, he's still somehow the same man Jongin dated for 3 years. The same guy Jongin loved, only now he carries more experiences and more accomplishments. Ones that Jongin wasn't there to witness. 

 

Soon enough, Sehun reborns as his usual fidgety self and starts demanding late night walks outside. It's a little bit of a hassle, but still Jongin, with the assistance of a nurse, moves him to a wheelchair, and strolls him down the aisles and towards the hospital’s wide garden. 

 

It's an habit that hasn't changed. Sehun's always enjoyed the mysteries of the night sky, its immensity looming above them, igniting his creativity to sketch new and original clothing designs. Chilly wind sweeps around, and as Jongin pushes the wheelchair along, he lets Sehun whine about not being able to draw, and how he is intended to make every hospital in the country upgrade their unfashionable garments to something at least more presentable and colorful.

 

“How are your headaches these days?” Jongin asks on a particular night, amidst the sound of the metal wheels clattering against the ground as they skitter on.

 

“Still making me company at the most inconvenient times.”

 

Jongin clicks his tongue, admonishingly. 

 

“You do take your medications regularly, right? Without me nagging you to do it?”

 

Sehun shifts in the wheelchair, casted leg not allowing to do much more than that. He hums, and Jongin recognizes that tone better than he would admit. Sehun doesn't like to be scolded.

 

“Yeah. Or else I can't work, and you know. I have to make a living.” He huffs, like this is an obvious fact.

 

Jongin knows better than any other person that Sehun is quite the workaholic, the only thing strong enough to stop him is his migraine that acts up more often than not.

 

“Did you have any of those… episodes?” 

 

It might not be visible for Jongin, but he can just guess how Sehun is worrying at his lip and fiddling with the hems of his shirt, unnerved.

 

“Once. It wasn't serious. Lisa was there. She helped me.”

 

“Good,” Jongin mumbles, torn between feeling thankful or jealous for not being the one by his side anymore at fragile times like that, before realizing he shouldn't be feeling anything at all.

 

“Jongin,” Sehun blurts, again in a familiar tone to Jongin's ears. “Do you think we could be friends?”

 

Taken aback, Jongin keeps mum. His own thoughts too unknown to himself.

 

“Life's been so miserable without you around. I know we couldn't work as lovers, so I think we should at least try to be friends. Can we?” Sehun's voice sings so small, so low. Jongin still can't bring his mouth to function.

 

In fact, he's reluctant. Having Sehun only as a friend will never be enough, but he can't expect more than that when he's been there and failably couldn't make it work. On top of that, he also knows he won't be able to part ways from him once again after he's recovered. Now that he got himself back into Sehun's life, leaving seems painful enough to make him want to stick around despite his pending feelings.

 

“I mean, you being here shows that you care enough.” Sehun continues, a hint of nervousness now added to his voice.

 

“I do care about you, Sehun.”

 

For emphasis, Jongin halts the wheelchair, moves around and kneels in front of Sehun, and makes sure to gaze deeply into the other’s uneasy eyes.

 

“I care about you and that's exactly the reason I want to make sure that's what you really want. I don't want to hurt you any more than I did.”

 

Sehun heaves a relieved breath, a timid smile reaching his lips.

 

“I'm not holding anything against you anymore and I'm over all the hurt. But I still miss you. Sometimes it's hard not knowing about you at all. So, can we move on and be friends?”

 

“Okay,” Jongin agrees without a stretch. “I get what you mean. I feel the same.”

 

That's an undeniable fact. He misses Sehun every single second, even if just vaguely deeply in his mind. He supposes this time, he can make this work. This time it's just a manageable friendship.

 

“So we're friends then,” Sehun says, accounting. Jongin nods, with an easy shrug.

 

“Yeah. We're friends.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“I've watched your dramas by the way.” Sehun blurts out one day, all of a sudden, causing Jongin to whip his head towards him, brows knitted.

 

“You did?”

 

“Of course, they were quite successful.”

 

Dazzled, Jongin leans back against the warmth of the armchair and rubs at his eyes with his fists. He's been writing for three hours in a row without a rest, and the words were starting to mingle into a crypted mess upon his eyes. There's a small tingle of pride deep in his chest that doesn't hold back a smile to blossom.

 

“How did you like the script?” He questions, engaged now in building up conversation, sliding his laptop shut. Sehun gives him a lift of his shoulder. 

 

“Pretty original and entertaining. You must be close to a lot of those popular actors that make teenage girls drool.”

 

Sehun has one eyebrow arched, fiddling with the sheet sprawled over his lap. Jongin can't shake the impression that he's implying something by that comment. Jongin seeks for any signs that might alter his suspicion, but finds none. 

 

“Not just teenage girls. My mom also swoons at all of them. And no, I don't really know any of them well. Our interactions were pretty professional related. I only write the scripts, I don't work directly with any of them.” He says, arm crossing at his chest spontaneously. He notices the way Sehun’s shoulder droop slightly, eyes riveting solely on his feet underneath the bed sheets.

 

“I also keep in touch with your clothing collections and all. Yours and Lisa's, I mean. They're great.” Jongin adds, matter of factly. Sehun's clothing line has been rising and getting its worth recognition lately, being almost impossible to not notice it if you're living in Korea. When it comes to Sehun, one can expect nothing more than success.

 

“Thanks.” Sehun lets out a tiny giggle. “Do you remember, when you first signed with TVN?”

 

“Yeah… I remember.”

 

Jongin mumbles, and when he blinks, his mind filters in a chain of memories he could have sworn were erased a long time ago. Oddly, they bloom freshly behind his eyelids, almost like Jongin has been teleported as an audience to that night that craved itself into their lives as a special one.

 

_ “Babe, I'm so proud of you!” Sehun cheered, looping both arms around Jongin's middle and twirling with him secured in his embrace. Exultantly, Jongin threw his own arms around Sehun's neck, overwhelmed giggles tumbling past his lips. _

 

_ “I can't believe. I'm so nervous and excited.”  _

 

_ He still had the signed contracted clutched in his knuckles, a solid reminder that his dream had come true, after years and years of tiring efforts of trying to get noticed by the entertainment industry. _

 

_ One of Jongin's works had been selected for production by tvn, resulting in an initial two year long contract with their script writing team.  _

 

_ “I have something to tell you too,” Sehun muttered close to his ear, and when Jongin glanced at him, he met Sehun's crescent moon eyes lighting up his features. _

 

_ “What is it?” _

 

_ “I know this is your day, and it's supposed to be all about you…” He began, a little hesitant. Jongin soon urged him to keep going by pulling at his hair at the back of his head slightly. Convinced, Sehun continued. “Lacoste's Director got in touch with me. He's interested in my designs.” _

 

_ Although he wasn't too familiar with how stylists and the fashion industry worked, Jongin knew huge brands meant something prospitious, just as much as working for Korea’s most nationwide network. So he gasped and kissed Sehun hard enough to knock the air out of their lungs, making Sehun stumble backwards but never letting go of Jongin's waist, smiling into their kiss. _

 

_ “Oh my god, Sehun! This is amazing!” He squealed as he pecked little kisses all over Sehun's soft cheeks. _

 

_ “The two of us are going to be so successful. We're going to get rich and buy the most expensive condo in Gangnam. You and me together.” Sehun promised, filled with a torrent of enthusiasm and optimism, contagious feelings that were soon spread to Jongin's own wishes. _

 

_ That night, they made love against the hard surface of the carpeted floor, too entranced by each other's happiness seeping into one another and merging into one to give a single care about anything else.  _

 

_ Jongin rode Sehun with all his might, said he loved him with his all honesty, and in that night, he was sure nothing could come between their love and crash their bond. Little did he know, that night was just the beginning of the approaching end. _

 

“Anyway, that was a day full of events. It's quite unforgettable.” Jongin says with a clench of his throat, avoiding eye contact. 

 

Sexual thoughts were always the worst to keep at bay, especially those involving Oh Sehun, which took him way too long and too frustrations to get over.

 

“All days with you were unforgettable.” 

 

He then hears Sehun mumble, but when he lifts his gaze at him again, incredulously, Sehun is already snoring softly in his slumber. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


Recovery salutes Sehun little by little each day. The bruises littered on his face take pity of his beauty and start fading, the rosiness peeks shyly from his cheeks, and sooner than expected, the doctors get rid of most bandages. Looking at Sehun's real features directly, albeit the faint scrapes still etched to his skin, brings a new kind of wonderment to Jongin. He catches himself staring at Sehun more often than not, studying the man intently instead of focusing on his writing, for his every reaction to his current, not so pleasing state. 

 

Sehun has been starting to feel bored, and a tad bit depressed if his constant sulking is anything to go by. So Jongin decides to take matters into his hands and sprinkle joy to Sehun's day himself.

 

“For you.” He says one day, placing a grande cup onto Sehun's tray of food. “Come on, just take it.” He insists when Sehun remains frozen, staring down at the drink in bemusement.

 

“You bought me bubble tea?”

 

“You're allowed to eat sweets now, so I figured you might be missing some bubble tea.” Jongin reasons, rubbing the back of his neck.

 

“You still remember I like these?” Sehun grins affectionately, and Jongin deems himself triumphant internally. It's there, the grin that hadn't graced Sehun in so long, that Jongin's missed dearly.

 

“Of course. Do you ever shut up about them?”

 

“Thank you. I really missed this.” Sehun grabs the cup and slides the straw into his lips, slurping serenely. Eyes widen at the sweet taste that coats his tongue, and he closes his eyes to heave a pleased sigh. “So do you still remember my birthday?”

 

“Seriously? You think I can just erase everything from my mind like that?”Jongin deadpans, with a dismissive shake of his head “We dated for 3 years, Sehun.”

 

“I know, I just thought…” He pauses, poking the straw into the little gap on top of the cup's plastic seal repeatedly. “You moved on so fast, I thought you had forgotten everything.” He shrugs evasively. 

 

“I didn't move on fast. It wasn't easy at all for me. You weren't that to know.” Jongin responds defensively, somewhat offended. 

 

All his life, his most difficult decisions have been revolving around Sehun. Leaving him, getting over him, getting back to him. He truly hopes that this isn't going to become a continuous circle. Sehun’s charming grin has retreated once more, drink left unfinished and unwanted atop the tray.

 

“Anyway. Don't think I easily forgot all of our memories just because you told me to get rid of all your things I had with me.” Jongin huffs, putting an end to that argument. 

 

“Did you do it?” Sehun apparently plans otherwise.

 

“I did. You told me to throw them away. The gifts, the shirts. Everything.” Jongin snaps bitterly,  the atmosphere in the room dropping to a heaviness neither of them can lift off.

 

“I still keep all your things.” Sehun drawls.

 

Jongin splutters. “Excuse me?!”

 

“I always knew you were coming back. I just didn't know it would take this long and me almost dying for you to come back. But you're finally here.”

 

Indignantly, Jongin lets out a dry laugh. 

 

“That doesn't mean anything. I'm here to help you because you're injured. That's all.”

 

“If you say so,” Sehun feigns impassiveness, but the clarity of it knocks straight at Jongin's eyes. He's about to retort, when Junmyeon suddenly barges in, with his characteristic friendly smiles, breaking the underlying tension flooding the air.

 

“Hey boys. Look who decided to drop by.”

 

“Chanyeol Hyung!” Sehun exclaims, all distress from seconds ago replaced by cheerfulness and fondness. Jongin takes a breath, his own rancor simmering away.

 

“We got a couple of concert dates pushed back so I got the first flight to see you.” Chanyeol says, sitting himself beside Sehun, gently patting his head.

 

“You love me, Hyung.”

 

“Oh, that means I can take a break, right? I do need to go home for a while.” Jongin chimes, promptly ignoring the look of utter dismay Sehun sends him.

 

“Sure. I'm really thankful for all you're doing, by the way. I don't know what we would have done without you.” Chanyeol reaches out to pat Jongin's head as well, but he swats it away, unemotionally.

 

“Don't mention it. I'm glad I can help. Anytime. But now I really need some time off, you know?”

 

“It's okay, man take your time.” Junmyeon grants him, bidding goodbyes as Jongin gathers his belongings and stuffs them inside his bag, keeping his eyes lowered. If they notice the strange weight that's radiating off him, they keep it to themselves and remain quiet.

 

“Hey, Jongin. Will you be back?” Sehun calls once Jongin reaches the door. A glance is thrown over his shoulder, and even though Jongin is remotely upset, he still replies.

 

“Of course.”

 

Because no matter how hard he tries, he crawls back to Sehun nevertheless. 

  
  
  


At home, he retrieves the dusted, long untouched box from under the bed and stares bluntly at it for a good half hour, his solidified little lie. Jongin's never had the courage to actually get rid of his and Sehun's goods, their shared stories. He rummages through the box with jittery hands, pulls out the dark blue cardigan he and Sehun used to share the most, his cologne still vaguely clinging to it. The brown bear plush toy he's got as a birthday gift still sits in there, ragged and void of care. Even the movie theater tickets from their first date, printed words vanished from the paper by now, are still there. Left aside but never really forgotten, very much like this memories. His feelings.

 

It burns his skin to the touch, but boldly, Jongin pulls out each item and brings out more memories, resurrecting them. Lastly, there's a polaroid picture of the two of them, Sehun kissing Jongin's cheek with his arms snuggly around his waist.

 

Oddly, Jongin can barely recognize his own smile, his own happiness in that picture. That looks like a total different person, one that he hasn't been in so long, ever since their breakup. A person that he misses, and maybe unconsciously wishes to go back to be like as well.

 

In the end, Jongin sighs, dumps the objects into the box again, and curses loudly into the distance. 

 

He knows exactly what is troubling him, yet he doesn't want to let it go.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Lisa's hands are small and delicate, like one of a kitty. Thin fingertips brush soothing circles on the back of Sehun's hands, eyes enlarging impossibly bigger as her worried gaze is attached firmly on Sehun's weak, indisposed frame.

 

“You look so thin, oppa. Have you been even eating regularly?”

 

“Well, Jongin is forcing me to.” He says, pursing his lips.

 

“Oh, so he's really back, uh? Feeding you and everything?” Lisa's eyes narrow at the implication, and she nudges Sehun on the shoulder, jocularly. 

 

“Yeah? I guess…”

 

“How are things going between the two of you?” She urges, crossing her leg over the other. Sehun pulls her skirt down a bit to cover her thighs that got exposed with the movement. 

 

“Better than I thought. Turns out he doesn't hate me, so that's something.”

 

Lisa shakes he head, unconvinced. “No one could ever hate you, oppa.”

 

“Tell that to my family.” Sehun mumbles, sinking further into the mattress and all those insufferable pillows behind his head. There’s an acetous scent of clinic and medications clinging to it now, as well as his clothes, that has Sehun nearly gagging. 

 

“Still no word from them?”

 

“I don't want them to know. They probably wouldn't care anyway.” Sehun shrugs, eyes diverting to the corner of the room, where Lisa can't see the discontent brimming in his eyes.

 

Silently, Lisa laces her fingers with Sehun's, as a way to console him. She doesn't need to look into his eyes to recognize his pain.

 

“I'm sorry, oppa. I promise to show up more often from now on. I've been really busy dealing with all the work by myself.”

 

“You're doing great. As long as you keep our business going I'll be fine here. I'm with Jongin.”

 

Lisa hums, evaluatively. “How come you're still in love with him? It's been 2 years.”

 

“I wish I knew why. I just do. I'll probably love him for the rest of my life.” He says dejectedly, but unregrettably. Loving Jongin has been his most tragic fact about himself. One that he can't just shake off anyhow, when it just defines him.

 

“You're the sweetest, oppa. I hope you get to be happy and loved soon.” Lisa coos, lifting one hand to brush the bangs out of Sehun's eyes, fingertips barely grazing skin.

 

An unpleasant expression morphs into her features at the greasiness of Sehun's black locks, long ago privileged with a decent shampoo brand. When her fingers get tangled into uncombed knots, Sehun giggles, and Lisa soon follows.

 

The trance is shattered once Jongin slides the door aside unannounced, stopping mid step upon the scene in front of his eyes. Clearing his throat apologetically, he retreats behind the door.

 

“Oh, I'm sorry for barging in. I should have knocked.”

 

Lisa's eyes widen in surprise and somewhat entertainment, glancing at Sehun who looks just as flustered as she is.

 

“Jongin. It's okay. We're not-”

 

“I didn't know you had visitors. I'll just wait outside.” Jongin chimes in curtly, sliding the door shut again without further restraint. 

 

Silence extends itself through the room, threatened by Lisa's suppressed giggles that come nearly to slip past her lips. She arches a sculpted eyebrow at her best friend, then she squeals.

 

“Damn. He's still so handsome.” She cups her own face in her hand, adorably as ever. “I should go talk to him.”

 

Apprehensively, Sehun wraps a hand around Lisa's wrist in order to contain her, although she never even moved an inch from her seat. “No. Wait. What are you going to tell him?”

 

“Relax. I'm not going to spill any of your dirty secrets. You look like a helpless teenager.”

 

“Shut up.”

 

Grinning, Lisa stands on her high heels and flips her hair as she heads towards the door.

 

“Be right back.” She says before blowing him a kiss through the air that lands itself fondly onto Sehun's cheek and heals his worries. He trusts Lisa fully, to no measures. So he nods and sends her off with a wave of his hand and sinks into the mattress as his mind once again travels back to unraveled memories.

 

The most hurtful one that no matter how hard he tries to erase, keep lurking into his subconscious to remind him of the painful outcome he wasn't able to prevent from happening.

 

_ It was another tiring night after long hours of work and bringing new sketches into life. Hands calloused and scraped fingers made contact with the doorknob, meeting the quietness and coldness of the room Sehun barely recognized as his own home any more. He hadn't been there for more than a couple of hours in ages, except when he needed rough sleep to survive through his projects. _

 

_ Yet, there was Jongin, sitting at the dining table on his own, eyes casted down to his empty plate, bangs hiding the scowl etched to his brow that had become permanent whenever Sehun was around, could be around. _

 

_ “Hey, sorry I couldn't make it on time for dinner.” Sehun announced with a strained smile, taking a seat across the table. Jongin kept his eyes lowered, not bothering about presenting Sehun with a smile or even a cold ‘hi, how was your day?’ _

 

_ Their relationship was reduced to that. Meeting late at night to share a wordless dinner, not as much as quick glances passed between them as they wolfed down their food with more interest than they had for one another now. _

 

_ “I wasn't waiting.” Jongin mumbled eventually, eyes finally lifting to meet Sehun. And just like every other night for the past few months, they're lifeless and distant. “Let me guess. You had dinner with Lisa?” _

 

_ Sehun clenched his knuckles into fists. The guessing didn't even have any jealousy laced with it, and for some reason, Sehun kind of hoped it would intone. It would be something to fuel their numb relationship at least. _

 

_ “We were busy so we had take out.” He replied dully. _

 

_ “I see,” _

 

_ And like their recent routine, all became silent again, tense and soulless. The only sound that ringed in the room came from Sehun's phone and a new message from Lisa alerting him she made home safe and sound. _

 

_ “Is that her?” Jongin questioned calmly as ever. _

 

_ “It is. We've been working non stop these days. You know, it's our best opportunity.” He found himself justifying unnecessarily. Jongin was also in the middle of a turbulent schedule himself. He should understand regardless of explanations. _

 

_ “I know. You two are partners.” Jongin reasoned. “Do you think we should break up?” He blurted suddenly, cruel words cutting deep into Sehun's guts. _

 

_ “What? Don't say that.” _

 

_ From across the table, Jongin chains him with a strenuous look, having a taste of an upcoming speech, one that Sehun dreaded more than anything, despite knowing it was bound to happen soon or later. _

 

_ “It's just not the same anymore. You spend more time with her and we barely see each other anymore. Work is taking up too much of our time.” Jongin began, causing a headache to burst through Sehun's brain and increase at every word.  _

 

_ He shook his head, incredulous. “Is that what you really want?” _

 

_ “I don't know.” _

 

_ Whatever could make Jongin happy, whatever could bring back the shine in his eyes and his innocent smile, Sehun was willing to give. Even if it meant his own misery. Undeniably, he wasn't part of Jongin’s reasons to feel happy anymore, and that went against everything he's vowed to. _

 

_ “Is that it? You don't love me anymore.” He stated, just knowing, just hurting. Jongin sighed, shoulders drooping dramatically. _

 

_ “I do. But you also love your work too much, and I get that. I don't want to be in the way of your success.” _

 

_ “No. I love you more than anything. More than my job, more than myself.” Sehun begged pathetically, his voice cracking as a sob pokes at his throat. He knew it was futile, he felt it slipping through his fingers all this time, yet he wanted to hold on to it the longest he could. _

 

_ Because he loved Jongin more than anything. _

 

_ “It doesn't feel that way. And I'm not asking you to put me first your career. I think we met each other at the wrong time.” _

 

_ Speechless, Sehun allowed a single tear to stream down his face, the reality of it all hitting him miserably. It was over, a long time ago. He just didn't want to accept it. _

 

_ Although he missed the way Jongin felt in his arms, the heartfelt grin Jongin would greet him every night and ask him about his day, the way he would hug him and make sweet love to him, it would only bring them more agony if they kept it up without passion. _

 

_ “If that's what you really want, I won't stop you from walking out that door.” Sehun muttered, tone slightly raised and pungent. _

 

_ “I'm not expecting you to.” Jongin said downheartedly.  _

 

_ That was the night Jongin walked away from Sehun's life, and for the sake of their beautiful story they had shared until that moment, Sehun didn't stop him.  _

 

_ Claimedly, they had met each other at the wrong time, so Sehun sat at the table and patiently waited for the right time to come around. _

  
  
  
  
  


“Are you awake?” Junmyeon inquires, tapping Sehun's shoulder lightly, and Sehun tunes back affrighted.

 

“I am. I was just overthinking.” He offers a small smile, sitting up straighter on the bed. Junmyeon frowns down at him, despite the relief bathing him down.

 

“You do that quite a lot.” Junmyeon says,  stroking Sehun's head affectionately. “Sehun, You've had a fast recovery so far and I'm really glad about that. But I can't put it off anymore, I need to send you home.”

 

“I know,” Sehun mumbles, pouting. “How weird am I to wish I could stay longer in this state?”

 

“You're very weird. But I'm used to that.” Junmyeon chuckles, scribbling down the clipboard. “I might still have some tricks up my sleeve to help You, though. You'll have to thank me later.” He reminds with a motion of his pen towards Sehun.

 

“I will, Hyung. Just help me, please. I need more time with him.” Sehun claps his hands together in a plea, showcasing his best acting skills. 

 

Junmyeon, never one to resist any of Sehun's requests, ruffles his hair and says: “Okay,”

 

“We are back,” Lisa informs happily as he steps in with Jongin right on tail. Sehun’s brow creases, unfamiliar with the sight of Lisa and Jongin together, comfortably smiling like close friends. One of Lisa's charms is to easily befriend people, but never could Sehun expect her to make Jongin of all people, warm up so fast to her.

 

“Is everything okay?” Sehun asks warily.

 

“All is great!” Lisa exclaims, winking at Sehun cheekily. 

 

“I was just telling our patient here, he's ready to be discharged.” Junmyeon pipes up, landing a hand onto Sehun's shoulder, alerting him.

 

“Already?” Jongin sounds unconvinced, until Junmyeon continues, offering reliability.

 

“However, he'll still need supervision at home. I have prescripted heavy medication for his migraine have worsened ever since his surgeries. He should avoid being under any type of stress for at least two weeks, when he's completely recovered. Also, by that time, his leg should be freed from the casket.” 

 

“Oh, what now? I have a business trip to Thailand for the whole week. I can't nurse him.” Lisa says, bringing a hand to cover her mouth in concern.

 

“I can do it.” Jongin shrugs, stuffing his hands inside the goat's jacket casually. “I mean… I have been taking care of him for the past three weeks. I can still do it for a little longer, I guess.”

 

Lisa and Junmyeon stare expectantly at him, sharing a quick look of approval between the two of them.

 

“That would be really nice of you, Jongin. What do you say, Sehun?” Junmyeon asks resignedly, and Sehun, cheering inside, remains composed outside as he utters freetly.

 

“Sure, why not?”

 

Out of the corner of his eye, he receives a supportive wink from Junmyeon as well.

 

With more time given to his advantage, he'll have to think of a nice way to thank him later, indeed.

  
  
  
  
  


The following day, Sehun's discharged and prescripted his medication with detailed instructions from Junmyeon. Wearing his own fresh clothes feels energizing, and finally leaving that insufferable room and being graced with the sun and the city's polluted air for the first time in weeks, is worth a thousand cups of bubble tea.

 

He struggles with the crutches, and the heaviness of the casket around his leg through the short path to Jongin's car at the entrance of the hospital, but once inside, all is bearable again.

 

“What did you and Lisa talk about?” He asks once the car speeds cautiously past the green traffic lights, and Jongin grins softly, eyes never leaving the road.

 

“You,”

 

“Did you two fight?”

 

“No. She told me how you've been lately. These past two years, how you've been taking care of your health. Nothing much. She cares a lot about you.”

 

Sehun hums contently, mentally noting that he should definitely thank Lisa too lately. He's been piling up way too many favors he should pay back to his friends later.

 

“I'm sorry,” Jongin says quietly, suddenly “That I couldn't be there for you during those time. I'm sorry that I didn't fight harder for our relationship. It seemed like the right thing to do at the time. For the two of us.”

 

The apology is not something Sehun ever expected or deemed himself worth of, but hearing it feels all sorts of relieving and fitting to his heart. Despite never holding it against Jongin, Sehun did feel like he should have at least tried a little more than he did. Or maybe, Jongin just knew better all along.

 

“It's okay. It's in the past now.” He utters truthfully. Although their past is unchangeable, Sehun wants to shape a new form to their sequel from now on, where he will work hard to reach impeccability. 

 

“I’m glad you have her in your life. She's amazing.” Jongin adds, glancing briefly at Sehun with a genuine smile. “I know we can't fix anything now, I just felt like I needed to apologize. 2 years later. I hope you accept it.”

 

“Of course. I'm sorry for a lot of things too. I was also reckless with you and I didn't prioritize our relationship. I'm sorry for that.” Voicing his own apology lifts his spirit as well, and for the first time in over 2 years, Sehun feels like he can breathe properly again, as if he's repented for any wrongdoings committed before.

 

“Okay. Now we're even I guess. We can move on to be normal friends.” Jongin's smile stretches wider, a carefree display of glee.

 

“Yeah, normal friends.” Sehun agrees, though not entirely satisfied with such averment. He supposes having Jongin as a friend though, is better than not having him at all. 

 

Friends. He can rebuild a start from there.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


The place smells astoundingly different, no longer carrying the familiar scent of home. Dust is collecting over the surfaces of every furniture, and the air feels stuffy and foreign. As soon as the door swings open to reveal such abandonment, Jongin grimaces, stepping foot inside the room.

 

“Are you sure you still live here? This place looks… abandoned?”

 

Sehun snorts as he follows, limping over the crutch tucked under his armpit. “I haven't been here in three weeks.”

 

“There wasn't anybody to come clean it?” Jongin asks as he wanders around and inspects the area with aversion, running a fingertip along a bookshelf to gather a thick layer of dust over it. Sehun keeps mum, fiddling with the handgrip of the crutch in an attempt to avoid providing answer. Jongin, as ever, notices his restlessness.

 

“Are you still not in touch with your family?”

 

That's the question Sehun detests hearing the most. Because it still hurts, and because there's nothing in his power that he can do to solve this, unless suffering with it every single day he gets reminded he was just left behind by those he cherished, simply for being who he is, and loving whom he loved. “I don't even have hope anymore.” He sighs discontentedly.

 

“I'm sorry,” Jongin laments, eyes lowering to the floor. Sehun knows how guilty he feels about this situation, and sadly, Sehun couldn't even tell him otherwise. Jongin was at fault indeed, but Sehun chose him over his family without a second thought and not even for a minute came to regret it. “Well, you should wash up now, since you can do it on your own now. I'll prepare us dinner.” Jongin says then, straining a smile to bring an end to that topic that's best left untouched.

 

“Yeah,”

 

“Call me if you need anything.”

 

Nodding, Sehun drags his way towards his bathroom, a place where he can finally feel comfortable for his own hygienic purposes. Closing the door, he allows himself to breathe, and maybe shed a tear he can't quite hold in. 

 

Jongin's is just behind the door, back in his home as if he had never once left. And yet, Sehun feels like he's too far, unreachable.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Did you take your meds on time today?”

 

Eyes lifting from the TV to Jongin standing in front of him, Sehun grins. “I did. I managed just fine.”

 

It's another Friday night, and somehow Sehun and Jongin have built a routine both of them got used to quite easily. Jongin has a new pair of keys to come and go whenever he pleases, and some of his personal belongings are back to laying around the house. Text messages alerting one another their locations and plans for the day, or lack of in Sehun's case, are frequently exchanged as well. Meals are always shared and sometimes, even silence feels cozy between them.

 

There’s a reason all of it fit so well into their life with not much of a fussle. It's just like it used to be before, although none of them has dared mentioning it.

 

“Sorry, I couldn't come all day. I had an important meeting.” Jongin reasons, dumping a couple of plastic bags onto the table in the middle of the living room.

 

“It's okay. You're here now.”

 

“I brought you food. Jjajjangmyun.”

 

Sehun beams instantly, abandoning the tv remote in order to pounce on the food. It's warm and it seems deliciously good, to the point it gathers saliva inside Sehun's mouth. Fumbling with the bags and the chopsticks, he pauses and frowns once he notices Jongin's not serving himself like usual.

 

“You're not going to eat with me?”

 

“I've already had dinner with Ravi.”

 

Sehun's frown hardens, and suddenly jjajjangmyun doesn't look so appealing anymore.

 

“Ravi? You're still friends with him?” He asks casually, stabbing the chopsticks into the bowl and stirring the noodles with much too force.

 

“Of course. He's my best friend.” Jongin replies spitefully.

 

“Are you dating him?” Sehun blurts out, because deep down, Ravi was always a disturbance. Jongin had many friends, and Sehun never held any against them, except for Ravi. 

 

Ravi was nosey, opinionated and way too obvious about his feelings for Jongin. It's not a surprise he's stayed while Sehun didn't. This fact brings an ache to Sehun's chest that destroys his filters to mouth ability, apparently.

 

“What? No? Why would you ask that?” Jongin sounds offended, or maybe defensive. 

 

“I know you went after him that night we broke up.”

 

“What?”

 

_ No matter how hard Sehun tried to push it aside, that memory springs to mind anyway. That night, after Jongin had walked through the door, after they had sealed their break up. Sehun sat on that table as he drowned in his own tears and regret consumed him whole. _

 

_ Jongin was the love of his life, with not a shadow of a doubt. He shouldn't let him go like that, without fighting for it. He shouldn't let the most precious thing he had slip through his fingers so effortlessly. So Sehun gathered all his courage, left that table and got into his car to drive across the city, after jongin. To bring him back.  _

 

_ Certainty was overflowing, and Sehun's knuckles were sweating around the steering wheel as he recited to himself the words he intended to pour out to Jongin.  _

 

_ I love you. Don't leave me. Let's try again… _

 

_ Such words never had the chance to be uttered, though. Sehun arrived at Jongin's porch to find him hugging Ravi, head resting on his shoulder as the other, so clearly amused by the situation had his hands and arms all over Jongin. From inside the vehicle, behind the window, Sehun watched as Ravi cupped Jongin's face and pressed his forehead against Jongin’s. _

 

_ Heart shattering, Sehun then realized. It was too late. A long time ago, Sehun wasn't on time anymore, and Ravi was just slowly occupying what was supposed to be his space. _

 

_ Sehun didn't stay to see the rest. He drove back home, swallowed down his tears, and made himself accept that Jongin no longer was his. _

 

“I know you dated Lisa.” Jongin returns bitterly, and Sehun twists his neck to glare at Jongin, shocked.

 

“I didn't. We-- we had a brief thing after you left. It didn't work.”

 

“Did you fuck her?”

 

Sehun pauses, swallows and then clenches his jaw. “We didn't go that far.” He admits sourly.

 

“What did you do then? Fingered her? Ate her out? How did it feel? Was she smooth and small?” The questions are spit angrily, and the mood in the room shifts drastically.

 

It was different, me and Lisa. It was way after you had left. Sehun thinks to himself, but can't bring his mouth to even move. Jongin sends him a vengeful smirk, knowing he twisted the knife inside Sehun's wounds. And Sehun feels it sting sharply. 

 

If the intention was to bring realization that Sehun was not in the place to question about Jongin's dating life anymore, Sehun got the memo clearly. 

 

“Shut up. I'm not supposed to feel stressed, and you're stressing me right now.” He hisses, brow creasing in utter distress.

 

“Then maybe I should leave.”

 

“You should.”

 

Jongin just snorts as he rises to his height and heads off towards the door, fists balled firmly at his sides.

 

In a painful silence, Sehun once again watches him walk away through the door. And it all hurts just the same.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“I thought you wouldn't be back.” Sehun says the very next day, standing at his door, facing Jongin. 

 

“I’m still your babysitter for another week.” Jongin states, pressing his cheek against the door frame, avoiding Sehun's gaze as well as trying to hide the blush rising over his face. 

 

A grin breaks through Sehun's lips, reacting to Jongin's never ending adorableness. He looked exactly the same younger man who came to visit Sehun's apartment for the first time and fought off his awkwardness in order to win Sehun's heart. As if he even had to struggle much with it. 

 

“Chill. One week passes in the blink of an eye. Wanna help me make lunch?” Sehun suggests nonchalantly, head jerking towards the kitchen. 

 

“Do I have a choice?”Jongin says as he steps through the door and past Sehun, heading further inside the apartment. Sehun follows silently, and just like that, it's like all pieces have fallen back into place. 

 

Everything feels complete. With Jongin there. 

 

“I'm removing the casket tomorrow morning. Will you drive me, babysitter?” Sehun requests jokingly, and Jongin looks over his shoulder to inspect Sehun's injured leg as he goes through the cupboards and takes out bowls and cutlery. 

 

“Sure. I'm a great babysitter, after all. Even without a proper salary.”

 

“You want me to pay you in any way?” Sehun asks timidly, bringing a hand to rub at his nape. For all this while, he's never even thought about rewarding Jongin in any way for all the duties he's been serving especially for him.

 

“I can think of a few ways, actually.” There is a graveness to Jongin's voice when he says it, and when Sehun's eyes lift to him, he finds Jongin staring through his bangs.

 

“I'm all ears.” Despite the jumping in his heart, Sehun stares right back.

 

Smirking, Jongin leans against the sink, eyes traveling down Sehun's body and a brow arching in delight.

 

“I'm afraid I can't tell you. You're still quite incapacitated.”

 

Sehun counters. “Not all of me.” He sees Jongin's gaze landing on his crotch, a tooth gnawing at his lower lip.

 

“I'll tell you later.” Jongin rasps, and the blush rises back to his cheeks.

 

The flirting isn't new, actually it never really left, but it's still all kinds of exciting every time. It gives Sehun hope.

 

The day goes by normally with not much of progress, just the same coziness of every moment spent with Jongin. They drive to the hospital and finally the casket is removed.

 

Sehun's leg feels numb and lifeless and even paler than before, but it's free, painless and moveable again. Jongin holds his hand through the whole process, and then guides him to take the first steps with his new recovered leg. 

 

The praises Sehun receives, and the grin of adoration he catches in the other's eyes are enough to make his legs feel like they can function again. 

 

Watching from afar, Junmyeon winks towards Sehun and he receives a thumbs up from the doctor. And there's no doubt anymore. 

 

It's just a matter of time. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


None of them dare mentioning Jongin's constant presence in Sehun's apartment for the following weeks. Considerably recovered, all Sehun has to do now is taking medicines on time, which never passes unnoticed. Still, Jongin stays, every day, as if he's just part of Sehun's life, one that's never once left.

 

And it feels right.

 

Sehun knows he's running out of time, knows he should make the final, deciding move, yet he can't, too scared he might ruin the perfect dome that's built itself around them. 

 

So he just enjoys what could possibly their last moment spent together, preparing a domestic snack to be eaten in front of tv. It's silent, and there's a thick tension floating around as they mess through utensils and ingredients. Distractedly, Jongin is worrying at his lip and keeping his eyes casted down, occasionally bumping against Sehun whenever they need to move around the narrow kitchen. When their skin touch is fire, both of them shiver, but none comment a word. When Sehun comes from behind and stands near Jongin's back to retrieve a bowl off the counter, he notices Jongin shuddering. 

 

He wonders if now could be the right time to put his hands around Jongin's middle and pull him in against his chest, embrace him tightly like he's been dying to do ever since their reencounter at the hospital. Ask him to stay, tell him that he loves him.

 

But then, with fate against his side, Jongin's hands fail him and he nervously spills champagne all over his shirt, making Sehun jerk away from him.

 

“Ah, shit!” Jongin grabs at his stained shirt, lips pouting in concern.

 

“It's okay. I can lend you one of my shirts.” Sehun suggests friendly, ignoring the obvious hue rising on Jongin's cheeks.

 

“I stink. I'm all gross. I'm.. I need a shower.”

 

“Suit yourself. You can use my bathroom, even my lotions if you want.”

 

With not much options offered, Jongin sighs before wandering off. “Wait for me. I won't take long.”

 

Sehun lets him have his way around the apartment, too familiar with it by now. He finishes preparing their snacks and sits by himself on the couch as the sounds from the shower spray tortures him, trying not to overthink about Jongin being naked and under his shower, just behind that door. Just like old times. 

 

Times where Sehun would either join him or wait for Jongin's return looking fresh and smooth, thoroughly cleaned up to persuade Sehun to pleasure him all night long. 

 

And as much as Sehun repeats to himself it's all in the past now, everything feels too much like the same, as if it never even changed in the first place.

 

When Jongin returns, he's wearing one of Sehun's shirts and sweatpants, hair damp as he ruffles it with a borrowed towel. A fresh scent of lotion mixed with soap follows him as he smiles fondly and plops down next Sehun on the couch. Looking as irresistible as ever.

 

“Wanna catch a movie?” Sehun says, just to break the ice.

 

“Sure. I hope it's a very gore one.”

 

“You're still weird. I like it.”

 

It works for a while, as they down their sandwiches and comment on the not so wise decisions from the main characters. It gets comfortable soon and the air becomes easy to breathe again while the movie plays on TV and displays an unhealthy amount of blood in way too many scenes. Until Jongin shifts a bit in his seat.

 

Then, the tension presents itself again between them, and Sehun notices Jongin is so close their arms are pressed together. And Jongin's warm and he smells wonderfully good. Like him, as if he belongs to him. And all of Sehun's consciousness spiral out of control, bringing his hand to rest firmly around Jongin's thigh. He feels the other freezing for a second, then Jongin's hand wrap around Sehun's wrist and moves his hand upward his thigh, slowly, coming close to his crotch. 

 

When Sehun looks up, he finds Jongin staring, requesting. Lips inviting. It's almost painful to take his eyes away from such delicious looking lips like those, that Sehun misses so much against his own, has never once forgotten their taste. 

 

With their noses only inches apart, Jongin swallows and then whispers. "Kiss me," and that's all it takes for Sehun to cradle his face with one hand and crash their lips together.

 

“I missed you” Jongin muffles, with a driving dance beat covering the sound of Sehun's paints as he brings him into his lap, pulling Jongin down to meet his mouth, shoving his tongue in, tasting like champagne and shamelessness. Greeting him with a forceful kiss and a slight nip of teeth, catching Jongin there between memories of the past and a very promising immediate future.

 

Maybe it is because Jongin is craving this just as much as Sehun, or maybe it is because of that warm look he often has in his eyes whenever he's around Sehun that makes him feel surprisingly warm when he manages to make Sehun’s skin burn with a scathing kiss, warm tongue invading, searching, because that is Sehun’s way of saying, It’s been too long, and I can't live without you.

 

Jongin whimpers into his mouth and cups the base of his skull in his hands, pulling him closer with a rustle of fabric, an already-hard cock pressing up against his thigh. Sehun moves against him, snaking a hand down Jongin’s stomach to palm the front of his sweats.

 

“God yes,” Jongin breathes as they break apart, Sehun rutting up against him and breathing heavy in his ear. A flash fire of pleasure and a chill of nerves makes war in his belly, as he feels himself get harder under Sehun’s hand, not leaving space for second guesses, putting such thoughts quickly aside by the other man’s lips gliding over his jaw: kissing, nibbling, tasting, sucking.

 

It isn't until he feels a hand slide over his ribs that he realizes Jongin has gotten his shirt off at some point. He forgets about the sneakiness. He forgets about so many things, Sehun thinks, bracing himself with a hand twisted around Jongin's sexy skinny waist as he starts to slide them down Jongin's sides. Sehun shoves a hand down his tracks, grabbing for his cock like one might enthusiastically grab a random name out of a hat.

 

Jongin wants him, he knows that. Sehun watches how much Jongin falls apart when he slides a thumb over the slick head of his cock... the way Jongin shivers and asks for more, allows him to keep going when he mouths something not-quite-words in his ear, something that might have been ‘missed this’ or maybe just ‘mmm yesss.’ Sehun still knows what Jongin likes. Or maybe he just knows how to make Jongin like it.

 

"Do you remember? What we used to do on this couch?" Sehun whispers in his ear, licking at Jongin's earlobe, leaving him trembling. "Wanna do that again?"

"Yeah, please," Jongin mewls out, pulse pounding in his whole body, going stupid with the need for more, as both of them stroke each other under heavy sighs and half-uttered moans. “Sehun,” he sighed, realizing in the back of his mind he'd forgotten how to utter words. "I want you to--”

 

"I know, baby." Sehun finds his mouth again, his kisses more grateful than demanding now, breathing heavy through his nose as he licks at Jongin’s tongue with his own and squeezes at the head of his cock mercilessly.

 

“Mmm,” Jongin tries again, fighting for words when everything is blissful and fuzzy, familiar and yet excitingly new. Sehun just nods, getting the message, understanding him so well, so he shoves Jongin down the couch and rips him off his sweats. Jongin is quick to hurry things up and rolls to lie on his stomach, bending his body over the couch's arm, exposing himself. 

 

"Gorgeous,” Sehun mumbles to himself, burning the image into his memory. That lean but muscular body, tan skin bathed in smoothness. A body only Kim Jongin can be gifted with. “Don’t turn around.” He lifts a hand to wrap around the back of Jongin’s neck, thumb resting upon the mandibular joint. 

 

Jongin takes a long moment to himself, not moving, merely breathing. Just as Sehun thinks that Jongin will change his mind, withdraw inside his shell and demand that Sehun leaves, Jongin exhales, long and slow, and he watches the tension melt away.

 

“Yes.”

 

Sehun lets out a breath he hadn’t known he was holding. Satisfied with Jongin’s response, he presses in close behind him. He ducks his head and holds Jongin in his arms, settles one hand on Jongin’s hip as the other fans out, taking in the the edges and grooves of the man’s abdominal muscles, feeling them flutter beneath his palm and fingertips at Jongin’s shallow intakes of breath. With Jongin hunched over like that, he’s at the perfect height for Sehun’ lips to press against  a featherlight kiss on his shoulder.

 

“Breathe, darling, deep breaths.” Sehun reminds him, feeling a little silly when he gives Jongin a belly rub to soothe him. “It's okay. We've done this countless times before.”

 

Soon the tense lines of Jongin’s shoulders begin to relax. "I know, I'm just… it's been so long I don't know if I can survive."

 

“Me too. But I'll be good to you,” Sehun says, each word caressing Jongin’s right shoulder blade. He kisses a horizontal line to the left one and cannot resist in biting down on the flesh there, pulling a surprised gasp from Jongin’s throat.

 

The hand on Jongin’s belly trails down to wind around the wiry nest of curls, tugging on them gently, eliciting a whine from Jongin’s throat. Sehun’ other hand slides up from Jongin’s hip, skimming up his sternum before plucking at one nipple, hard from the cold air against warm skin. It startles another gasp from Jongin, and Sehun wants to coax every sound from him and bottle it all up. Because Jongin, is flushed all over and choking out tiny moans as Sehun twists a pink bud between his fingers, pulling it gently so that Jongin’s back arches and his head tips backwards. He’s so wanton, it’s endearing, especially so when Jongin bites on his lip to keep from embarrassing himself further.

 

But Sehun wants to hear him. He wants to make Jongin feel so good that he screams from pleasure.

 

Sehun’s hand leave those sensitive nippples to slide up and cup Jongin’s jaw, middle finger brushing against his bottom lip before turning his face towards him. "I want to hear you,” he says before pressing a short, chaste kiss to Jongin’s lips.

 

Jongin’s mouth opens shyly for him and Sehun licks across them, digs his fingers a little harder into the chiseled jaw until Jongin’s mouth opens entirely for Sehun to slide his tongue in. It’s an awkward angle and makes for sloppy kisses, but the feel of their tongues rubbing against each other with just the right pressure, is enough for Jongin to groan and for Sehun’s cock to harden at the sound of it.

 

The curve of Sehun’ lips turns wicked as the hand that was gently toying with the curls of his pubic hair, travels lower to skim lightly over his balls before gently stroking up the shaft of his cock, teasing over the slit of his cockhead. He wraps his hand around Jongin’s cock, tugging on it gently.

 

“Still like it slow and gentle?” He asks, giving a few slow pumps. Then, he tightens his grip and tugs a little firmer, being sure to rub his thumb over the sensitive head after each stroke. “Or do you prefer it hard and fast now?”

 

Jongin’s knees lose their rigidness and almost buckle. He rests his head against his right forearm and hisses something. His hips are slowly moving, dragging his cock in and out of Sehun’s fist for friction. Sehun has to take his hand away.

 

Jongin’s hand comes off the couch arm and he reaches behind to grab Sehun, bringing his wrist towards his groin in a silent plea. Sehun tsks and pulls out from his grasp, grabs and redirects Jongin to where both hands are to stay.

 

“What did I say?” He squeezes Jongin’s wrist in warning.

 

Jongin’s head loll forward. “Sehun… please don’t tease.”

 

Sehun hums thoughtfully. “Ahh, yes. I’m sorry,” his tone unapologetic. Although they had started in a haste, Sehun finds himself now wanting to explore this moment as best as he can, for he's missed it too much, wanted it for too long. And besides, he's always been one to tease Jongin to the fullest in bed.

 

The hand on Jongin’s belly slides languidly downwards, past the trail of dark hair that grew into a thick thatch of hair at the base of Jongin’s rather impressive erection.

 

“Come on…” Jongin’s fingers are clinging onto the couch so tightly his knuckles have gone white. The air turns so hot for a moment and Sehun feels like his skin is scalding, but it shuts off entirely and he sighs, holding himself against Jongin as he touches him lazily.

 

Jongin makes a strangled noise. "Please, do something. Do that!"

 

“Yes,” Sehun sighs and smiles, nuzzling his cheek against a broad shoulder. He peels himself from along Jongin’s back, smiling naughtily and scoots backwards, bringing Jongin with him. He’s unable to resist grinding down into Jongin’s gloriously plush and firm behind.

 

He lets out a thoughtful hum, taking a moment to kiss at one of the dimples on Jongin’s back. A finger makes its way slowly in between Jongin’s buttocks, his other hand clamping down on a slim hip when Jongin involuntarily tries to buck away.

 

Sehun smiles, pressing a litany of kisses over Jongin’s spine until a few minutes later he’s slowly kissing a path downwards.

 

He spreads Jongin open and leans in, giving a tentative lick at the opening.

 

“Sehun,” Jongin sounds choked off and small, pleasure lacing his name.

 

And then he parts Jongin wider, spreads him open and laves at his hole, dragging the broad of his tongue over the puckered skin. Jongin yelps and makes a strangled noise at the back of his throat. Sehun doesn’t let up, he does it again, starts from his perineum this time, flicking his tongue over Jongin’s hole when he gets there. It seems to draw out the largest reaction when Sehun uses the tip of his tongue, so he flicks it up and down, fast, and Jongin’s buttocks tense, trying to keep the intrusion out.

 

Sehun merely laughs, he grasps either cheeks and kneads. “Just as good as I remembered.”

 

“You're the only that's ever—” Jongin pauses, unable to finish his sentence. Jongin’s back is hunched when Sehun looks up and it seems as though he might draw away again. Sehun places his palm atop his lower back, rubbing concentric circles there to soothe the man’s nerves.

 

“I’ll make this good for you, I promise. Part your thighs for me.” Jongin does as requested and Sehun purrs, “There’s a good boy. Still so good for me." Jongin shivers at that, unsure if it is the tone or the words that he’s responding to. He's always been very responsive to praises, and Sehun takes note that this is something that hasn't changed about him.

 

His mouth is on Jongin again, kissing wetly at the pink hole, lapping generously at it, trying to memorize Jongin’s taste. Mild, heady, clean, earthy. Jongin is tight when he squeezes the tip of his tongue in, licking him inside as far as he can manage. It’s not as deep as he would like to go but it makes Jongin moan all the same, the sound cracked and high-pitched, the muscle of his pucker clenching down on Sehun’s tongue, squeezing him out. Sehun groans, the friction of it on the tip of his tongue makes it sensitive and pleasurable — he’s always had an oral fixation — and he dives back in, uses his thumbs to pry him apart, keeping Jongin open and exposed.

 

“Sehunnn,” Jongin hisses, his hands clench hard on the leather material of the couch, only Sehun’s orders keeps him from melting them away so that he can reach down to take his cock in hand and jerk off until he’s coming all over the pillows. He’s dizzy with lust and frazzled enough that he can only form singular words instead of full sentences. Sensations of want, desire, need, washes over Sehun. He’s pleased that he’s managed to make Jongin lose coherency with arousal, watching as that lovely long cock twitches heavily between his legs.

 

“I want to... I want to come. Let me… please.”

 

“Not yet,” Sehun says, and blows over the puckered flesh that clenches on nothing. Sehun circles over the rim several times with his forefinger, watching Jongin squirm at the sensation, unsure whether to press back or pull away from Sehun’s ministrations. He wriggles his thumb past the muscle, saliva easing the way. It’s larger and firmer than how his tongue would feel and when Jongin clenches down this time, he whimpers and scrambles away, hands skittering over the couch.

 

He turns to look over his shoulder and Sehun catches his gaze. Jongin’s face is flushed red and his lashes are lowered because of the angle, though his eyes are wet. The desire in them hasn’t dimmed, if anything he looks determined to continue on. Sehun’s cock twitches at the surge of lust in his veins. Jongin is gorgeous like this.

 

He laughs and presses his thumb back inside, this time sliding it all the way up to the last knuckle; Jongin is feverishly hot and velvet soft as his channels squeeze around him as though trying to suck Sehun in. He keeps Jongin plugged open like this and gives him time to adjust to the girth while he licks at the skin stretched around the digit, coating the area with saliva. Jongin should have had enough time to get used to the feel of something in his ass by now and so Sehun pulls his thumb out and shoves it back inside - hard.

 

The sound Jongin makes is nothing like Sehun has ever heard before, but Sehun wants to hear it again and again until Jongin comes from being only finger fucked. He starts to move his thumb in and out of Jongin’s ass, stroking his inner walls. Sehun places a hand on one of Jongin’s hip and caresses him gently with a broad palm, patting his side, tracing the V of his pelvic bone and rubbing at his abdomen. He plays with the curls around Jongin’s groin, twirling them around his finger, touching him everywhere but where he wants it most. He feels Jongin grousing in his mind, how much he wants Sehun to wrap his broad palm around Jongin’s cock and stroke him to completion, and it makes Jongin frustrated enough to curse under his breath, “please,” he pants, grinding back against Sehun’ thumb now, greedy for more.

 

Sehun can only grin. He replaces his thumb with the index and middle fingers, and when he’s met with resistance he pulls them out to spit at Jongin’s hole, coating it liberally with saliva before pressing them in again and twisting.

 

Jongin shivers and gyrates his hips down on his fingers, panting heavily. He doesn’t need to be instructed, eager to chase his own pleasure now; fucking himself on Sehun’s fingers, his greedy little hole trying to suck all of them in. “More… please.”

 

Sehun bites his lower lip and holds his hand there, entranced by the way his fingers disappears inside Jongin with each rocking motion. “That’s it,” Sehun coos, “Keep going. Fuck yourself onto my hand, show me how much you want it.”

 

Jongin arches his back and groans as he widens his stance, pushing hard onto Sehun’s fingers, who curls them and rubs upwards in small circles. He curves them just so for his tips to drag over spongy flesh and Jongin twitches. “Oh God, Sehun.”

 

“You like that? You like how it feels?” Sehun purrs as he feels out for that same spot and rubs at it, pressing down a little bit harder.

 

Jongin’s grip tightens on the couch arm as he clings for dear life. His knees and thighs tremble when Sehun sweeps one hand up the inside of them, pressing kisses into the soft skin of Jongin’s thighs and follows a trail over Jongin’s back. “It… it feels good…Just let me come, Sehun!”

 

“Just a little more,” Sehun mutters as he thrusts his fingers into Jongin, rams into his ass hard and fast, fucks his hole until it’s raw and puffy. He reaches round to take Jongin’s cock in hand and wanks him off in time, closes his fist tightly around Jongin so that Jongin is overwhelmed on both ends. And then he shoves a third finger into him and Jongin starts to jerk bodily, hips stuttering and asshole spasming around Sehun’s fingers. He groans and comes over the cushions, splattering it with thick, sticky semen.

 

Sehun keeps his hands loosely curled around Jongin’s softening cock, content to keep rubbing him whilst sliding his fingers into Jongin’s hole, gentler this time, stimulating the oversensitive nerves, with Jongin still riding through his orgasm. Soon enough Jongin gets too tight for him to fuck but he keeps him plugged open, spreading him gently with scissoring motions. He nuzzles the round curve of one cheek and sighs softly as he takes in Jongin’s ragged breathing.

 

He’s so hard, he can barely breathe as he wants to take more of Jongin, spread him wide open and reclaim this man in any way he can. But right now, Sehun shouldn’t push too hard. He should be happy enough that Jongin allowed him this again. Sehun pushes himself to sit up, ignoring his arousal for now, as he presses himself against Jongin’s back, sliding his hand up the man’s flank in a soothing gesture, following that move of muscles as Jongin draws in breath.

 

“Come on, let’s clean you up,” Sehun whispers at Jongin, careful to shield his arousal from him. Only, Jongin turns and runs a hand through Sehun’s hair, stroking the strands back against his skull.

 

“But you haven’t finished yet, Sehun,” Jongin asks, puzzled. He gestures down to where Sehun’ erection is pressing against his thigh, the cock moist with pre-cum.

 

“I want you to enjoy yourself too,” Jongin insists, turning around to lie on his back again, underneath Sehun's body, and to fully face him and then slowly wrap his long legs around Sehun's middle. “Do you want me to suck you off?”

 

Sehun can’t deny the surge of lust at Jongin’s words, his mouth going dry at the very thought of having Jongin’s mouth in that manner. “Yeah,” his voice catches. Sehun swallows and tries again. “Of course.” Sehun agrees, before climbing up to Jongin's chest, shoving a hand down his sweats to pull out his cock and line up towards Jongin's face.

 

Jongin takes a deep breath and then wraps a hand around the base of Sehun’s erection. He takes his time, pressing his face to it and mouthing at the shaft, slapping gently against his parted lips. Sehun hisses out Jongin’s name, his fingers digging into Jongin’s hair and does his best to hold back. If Jongin keeps up this slow, exploratory pace, he is not going to last very long at all.

 

“Fucking hell… Who’s the tease now?”

 

Jongin huffs out a sound and flicks his eyes upwards, meeting Sehun. “I haven't done this in a while,” he admits, wrist pumping languidly. 

 

If Sehun wasn’t already delirious with arousal, he would have accused Jongin of being a liar. A man with such breathtaking looks could never go so long without a fuck.  

 

And then he flings a hand out to grip at the couch next to Jongin's head, the other fisting his hair tightly, when Jongin’s tongue laps underneath the head of his cock before sucking gangly.

 

Sehun groans at the sight, tipping his head back and parting his lips in a silent moan. His eyelids fall shut and he lets out a sigh, savouring the sensation and burning it into his memory.

 

“Missed your mouth so much.” Sehun hisses, enjoying the rough swipe of Jongin’s tongue and the hot burning brand of Jongin’s hand clawing into the flesh of his arse. “Suck on the head, Jongin. I’m not going to last very long...“

 

Obediently, Jongin takes his instructions to heart and the pressure increases all around it. It’s sinful and Sehun is convinced that if Jongin kept that up he could very well suck out his soul from his dick. Then, Jongin starts licking around the sides, a hand fondling with his balls gently.

 

“God stop,” Sehun rasps hoarsely, pushing Jongin off and takes over stroking himself off. “Open your mouth and close your eyes.” Jongin tips his head back and waits, small droplets of saliva bouncing off Jongin’s stuck out tongue. Ready and expectant.

 

That image undoes the very last thread of his control and he comes all over Jongin’s face, painting his cheeks and eyelashes in streams of pearlescent white. He slumps down against Jongin soon after, his chest heaving from the exertion.

 

Through his wet eyelashes, Jongin still has yet to move from his position under Sehun's spent body. A curious tongue sweeps over the corners of his mouth, making contact with Sehun’s semen and Jongin pulls a delighted face, his eyes remaining shut.

 

"Hmm so good," He hums tiredly.

 

After regaining enough energy, Sehun uses his shirt to clean up the mess he made on Jongin's face, and it's silent and sweet where Jongin just allows him to touch him gently. 

 

Cuddles come soon after, and just like before, Sehun spoons Jongin tight and close as they don't need words to tell each other much else. 

 

Jongin is in his arms. Warm and plenary, and it feels like all the scratches inflicted on their dome were bound to an unbreakable seal. Until an unforeseen sob breaks through the air and suddenly Sehun's certainty are damaged again. Jongin's shaking, back turned towards Sehun, hiding. 

 

“Are you okay? Why are you crying?” Sehun questions, reaching around to turn Jongin's face towards his. Tears are staining his cheeks, the redness over his face not one from pleasure anymore, but from utter regret.

 

“It's just… I'm just…” Jongin lets out a sob, face screwing up as though he felt physical pain.

 

“Did I do something wrong? Did I hurt you? You don't like it when I do that anymore?” Sitting up, Sehun pulls Jongin along with him carefully. 

 

“I do,” Jongin says, gently removing his wrist out of Sehun's hold, and that rejection hits him like a bullet to the chest. “It's just… This is wrong. Me and you, we shouldn't have done that. We didn't work before, we shouldn't play with our feelings like this anymore. It hurt too much the first time.” Jongin reasons with dreariness laced to his voice, eyes avoiding Sehun.

 

Speechless upon the sudden reaction, Sehun watches as Jongin collects his discarded clothes, his own clothes, and starts dressing up haphazardly, as if he's in a hurry to just run and disappear forever from Sehun's life. Again.

 

Just the thought of it brings a heavy throb to Sehun's head, though he ignores it.

 

“No, wait Jongin. Please. Can we at least try?” He stands to his feet, grabbing Jongin's wrist in order to contain him. Make him stay, make him understand.

 

“What? Would you…” Jongin falters his words, looking into Sehun's eyes with too much doubts, also too much expectancy. So Sehun says it, what he's been dying to say ever since he reencountered Jongin at the hospital. What he should have said many times before but didn't.

 

“I want to. I still love you.”

 

However, Jongin recoils, shuts his eyes tightly and sobs again. “No. Please just don't.”

 

"I know you love me too, Jongin. Tell me I'm not being selfish here. That you want me just as much. Please, let's just try again."

 

"No, we can't. Not again. I can't go through that pain again. I can't lose you completely again. Leave it as it is." Jongin insists through tears, resorting to shoving Sehun back and heading to the door. To the exit. To the end.

 

"Jongin, please. Stay!" Sehun shouts, but his voice rings distantly, weakly. He sees the door shutting, and Jongin nowhere to be found.

 

He left.

 

It's over. Again. Before it was even started. Before they could even get another chance.

 

"Jongin, come back." He shouts to no one, not realizing he's the one crying now. Not realizing the room is moving all around him and the edges of his vision are blackening out. There's a high pitched noise thrumming in his ears, throbbing alongside with the massive headache. His legs give out, and he falls to his knees as he keeps calling for Jongin. 

 

And all he gets is nothingness.

  
  
  
  


It's that same hospital room again. Sehun recognizes it instantly. The scent, the uncomfortable mattress and position he's laying down, but half sitting. The wires are back stuck into his nose, needles popped into his veins. It's that annoying beep again that should just leave him relieved for signaling he's still alive.

 

Jongin. His mind calls him back first thing. He remembers seeing him crying, seeing him leaving. He remembers the words  _ 'This is wrong. Me and you' _

 

He remembers Jongin leaving. Again. Just when he was so sure he had him back. Suddenly, being back at that hospital room makes sense. Just the mere thought of Jongin leaving him makes his head throb. Sehun lets out a grumble, and only then realizes the presences in the room.

 

None of them are Jongin, he just knows it, doesn't feel the presence he's come to associate with his own calmness. So he doesn't even bother responding. 

“Hey, man. How are you holding up?” That's Chanyeol's voice, probably his hand too, curling around Sehun's wrist, as if consoling him.

 

“What happened?” Sehun croaks out, voice too weak he can barely recognize it as his own. Or maybe he should just get used to it by now, since he's been more often in the state of weakness lately.

 

Chanyeol is silent. Throws a look at whoever else is in the room with them. Lisa maybe, if the sweet scent of perfume is anything to go by.

 

“I'll call the doctor. Just a second.” Chanyeol alerts before wandering away, and the sound of high heels clicking through the room approach his bed. Sehun can already feel the concern flooding around the room from his friend. God, it's annoying. So annoying. He's weak in everyone's eyes. Even Jongin's.

 

“Where's Jongin?” It's what he asks, tone bordering on impatience, maybe desperation. Part of him hopes Jongin never left, that it was just another one of his bad dreams.

 

Though it all feels too real. The pain. Both physical and emotional for having gotten all the signs wrong about Jongin still loving him.

 

“He brought you here.” Lisa responds quietly, vaguely.

 

“Is he okay?”

 

Before she can answer, the door swings open, and an angry Junmyeon is stepping through, accusatory finger pointed at him and everything.

 

“Sehun! Man. What did I warn you about again? You should have been more careful.”

 

“Don't scold him, Hyung.” Chanyeol says, placing a hand on Junmyeon's shoulder to hold him back, but Sehun doesn't bat an eye. Junmyeon would never hurt him, much less im that state. He might even apologize later for yelling. The doctor sighs, runs a hand through his dark hair and adjusts his specs over his eyes, all to pull himself back to his doctor persona.

 

“Anyway. You collapsed due to intense headache. Did you forget to take your meds?” 

 

“I don't know.” Sehun shrugs. "How long have I been out?"

 

“Half a day. Do you know how dangerous this is? The fainting is getting worse. You can't skip your medication."

 

“Whatever. I want to see Jongin.”

 

Junmyeon sighs again, more forcefully this time. But he knows better, knows he can't battle against Sehun's stubbornness. “Bring him in.”

 

Sehun doesn't quite register as his friends leave and Jongin comes in, but when he's back to it, to his full consciousness, Jongin is there, sitting by the edge of the bed. He's grinning in relief, eyes red and puffy as though he cried and hasn't gotten any sleep for two entire days. Sehun scowls, about to ask what happened, when Jongin reaches in and grabs his hand, his expression turning aghast.

 

"Are you okay? Does it hurt somewhere?" 

 

“I'm fine now. I'm a survivor.” Sehun declares, forcing a smile of victory. Jongin's there, so maybe he's really a winner.

 

“I'm so sorry. It was my fault. I shouldn't have left like that. I came back as soon as I heard you collapsing. It was… you looked terrible. I don't ever want to see you like that again.” Jongin kisses all over his knuckles and the palm of his hand, and Sehun realizes he's shaking. 

 

“Sehun. I'm so scared. I freaked out because I don't know what to do. I can't let you go. But I'm so scared I might not be enough again.”

 

“You don't need to stay to nurse me. I'm going to be fine.” Sehun huffs, even though all he wants is for Jongin to stay. It's selfish, he knows it now, but he can't help it. Not right now, maybe later. When he's on his deathbed. Which is probably very soon.

 

“That's not what I'm saying. I still love you, Sehun. I'm so sorry for freaking out like that. I didn't mean any of that."

 

Sehun freezes, widened eyes seeking for Jongin's, for verity. And when he finds it, he thinks perhaps this is how he dies. Only it would be a happy death.

 

“I know I was the one who proposed a breakup, but it got to a point where love was getting in the way of what we really wanted. Does that make sense?” Jongin continues, and the machine counting Sehun's heartbeats speeds up. 

 

“I've never fallen out of love with you. I've fallen out of love with love itself. There wasn't time for it in our lives anymore. But I've missed you every single day. And the moment you touched me I realized my love for you has only strengthened. The moment you collapsed I realized that if anything bad happens to you I would die with you.”

 

Nodding, Sehun rubs at his eyes to clear out his blurred vision, caused by tears of shock and relief. It's all real, Jongin's real, so are his words and that stupid hospital room. Sehun can only laugh still stuck in a little chain of denial.

 

“Are you sure you're not only saying this because you think I'm dying and you're feeling sorry for me?”

 

Jongin gasps, incredulous by such assumption. “Shut up. The doctor said you aren't at risk. You're not dying. I'm serious.”

 

“Are you asking me to be your boyfriend again?”

 

Grinning resurfaced to his face, Jongin tilts his head and asks. “What do you say?”

 

“I'll always go back to you, Jongin. No matter how many times life drift us apart." Sehun says quietly, unable to contain the smile that spreads through his features, all the way to his heart. “You're my priority now. You've always been enough for me. Always will be."

 

Jongin sighs, and a tear spills down his cheek as he leans over and places a kiss against Sehun's lips, one that assents their new promises, one that draws a new future where one can't be without each other.

 

Smiling into the kiss, both of them melt into their new serendipity.

  
  
  
  
  


It's a cold night in Seoul, yet Jongin's hand and smile are the warmest to Sehun. Hand in hand, they walk back together to Sehun's apartment after a long day of work with not much words to be shared other than their usual casual conversations and pointless complaints about work added with some domestic plans for the rest of the night.

 

It's like those 3 years spent apart had never happened, it was just a quick skip of time with lessons learnt that lead them to this very moment. Together and never again apart.

 

“Fuck, it's freezing.” Jongin whines in a pout, a puff of cold air coughing past his lips that not even under such drastic weather get chapped.

 

“Do you want my coat?” Sehun is quick to offer, ready to shrug out of his own coat for his boyfriend.

 

“What's the point? You'd freeze too.”

 

“Do you want me to buy you a new one then?”

 

Jongin gasps, tugging at Sehun's hand for good measure. “No! Stop. Let's just go home.”

 

As a solution to his problem, Jongin snuggles up to him, pressing his chin on top of Sehun's shoulder, and this way, they share their warmth and become one. When they stop at the crosswalk to wait for the traffic lights to turn red, Sehun places a light kiss onto the crown of Jongin's head. His hair feels soft and smells sweetly, like honey, like home. Wrapping a hand around Jongin's waist, Sehun sighs contentedly before saying.

 

“Let's get married,”

 

Jongin blinks up at him in sudden confusion. “What?”

 

“Marry me. Be my husband.”

 

A moment blows along with the cold wind, but everything now feels warm and beautiful, just like the look in Jongin's eyes. The cars come to stop, but neither Sehun nor Jongin remember how to move.

 

“We can't. It's not legal here.” Jongin replies sadly, eyes flitting down to the ground.

 

“Fuck this country. Let's get that penthouse in Gangnam then. Me and you. Let's share it.” Sehun suggests without a care, pulls Jongin closer against his body. It is enough to bring a hopeful smile back to Jongin's lips.

 

“You mean right now?”

 

“Why not? If we can't marry, let's live together. Be together. For the rest of our lives."

 

Jongin nods, and nods again more furiously stretching his stupefied smile across his whole face.  “Okay. Yes. Let's do it!” He manages to breathe out, tears of joy prickling at the corners of his eyes.

 

They go straight to sign the papers to the penthouse Sehun has been eyeing for the past year. It costs them quite some cash, but Sehun has his influences and many ways to get the documents in hand and demand the keys to be delivered as soon as possible. Jongin doesn't even question his taste for the apartment, as Sehun has impeccable tastes to anything anyway and the bright smile on his face is the only proof he needs that they're making the right choice there.

 

That night, Sehun carries Jongin to his apartment in arms in bridal style, struggling slightly since they're about the same height and Jongin is noticeably heavier, but they stumble upon the door giggling and sharing kisses.

 

“We move out as soon as we get the keys!” Jongin exclaims, swaying his legs in the air as his arms are secured around Sehun's neck.

 

“If I survive carrying you. You're so heavy.”

 

Giggling, Jongin tucks his face into the crook of Sehun's neck and defends. “I'll let you know it's all muscles and no fat.”

 

“I've noticed. That's why I don't complain too much.” Sehun smirks, hand sliding down to grope at Jongin's butt, right before placing him down to his feet again. After closing the door, he reaches inside his pocket and pulls out a small box. “Just a second. Don't move.”

 

“What's that?” Jongin's voice is high in excitement, already knowing what's inside that small and round black box. He watches as Sehun pops it open in front of his eyes, showing the golden pair of matching rings. 

 

“Those are our wedding rings. From now on I'll call you my husband. From now on there isn't any part of my life I'm not willing to share with you, my love, my soulmate.”

 

“Sehun,” Jongin breathes, not bothering to stop the tear that runs down his cheek.  "When did you even get those?"

 

"Had them with me for a while. I was just waiting for the right time." Sehun says, rubbing timidly at his nape. 

 

The ring is slipped slowly and a little bit shakily on Jongin's finger, and then Jongin repeats the act on Sehun's as well. Both of them spend a second or two just staring deeply into each other's eyes, grinning stupidly, taking it all in. They're married. By their own terms, with no testimonies whatsoever. It's only them and no one else, exactly how it should be. 

 

“Together until the end?” Jongin questions, just to make it even more official as he stretches out his hand to admire the shining ring around his finger.

 

Sehun reaches out and places his hand over Jongin's, rings side by side. Matching, securing. “Through thick and thin.” He says, before leaning in and capturing Jongin's lips into a kiss to seal their votes. 

 

And their happily ever after starts from then on.

 

**Author's Note:**

> What even happened to Sehun's condition and his headaches??? Does he die abruptly shortly after they move out? That's up to your imagination.
> 
>  
> 
> [X](https://twitter.com/_sehuning_)


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